Oh......my God!

If you just met me and don’t really know me, you might think I have known and loved God my entire life. Maybe not…I could be more transparent than I think. Regardless, the fact remains, that I only recently began to truly believe in the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. What I have come to realize is that my faith journey (sorry for the Christianese) is just that…mine. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without experiencing the indifference, doubt, rebellion and revelation in my life so far.

When I was a kid, going to church meant sitting and listening to some boring stuff and getting to go out to breakfast afterwards. My parents belonged to a Lutheran church but after my mom passed away, my dad never really took me there. Instead, we would church hop, checking out different churches and denominations on a sporadic basis. The pay off for going was Dad would take me out for breakfast after the service. So I would sit there and stare at the clock, dutifully standing and sitting and kneeling at the appropriate time. I would try to follow along to the music and sing some of the words, but I never really thought about what was being said or sung. Occasionally though, bits and pieces would slip past the filter and I would catch something useful. The only other religious exposure I had at a young age was that on Good Friday, my dad would require that I sit still and be quiet from Noon to 3 p.m. I knew the reason he expected this, but it wasn’t like we ever talked much about God, Jesus or religion at any other time throughout the year. I should add that one of my most embarrassing experiences involving religion happened in the 6^th grade. Our teacher gave us an assignment that involved saying the name of the church to which our family belonged. Well, Atonement Lutheran was the church, but they sent out a news letter that was called “Atonement Chimes.” So I answered “Atonement Chimes” …..Thus exposing my ignorance and obvious lack of religious upbringing. Mr. Kowalske probably handled it better than I remember, but it had a real negative impact on me.

As I got into those teenage years, the payoff of breakfast just didn’t do it for me any longer. Sure it was a great way to spend one on one time with my dad, but I was a teenager……the last thing I wanted was to spend time with him. He was the reason everything was wrong in my life. Fortunately, my sister, Shari had married into the Roger’s family. Shari and her husband, Joe went to school at UW-La Crosse and his parents would bring me along on weekend visits. Alice and Jim are faithful Catholics and part of the weekend always included attending a church service. I really loved going to church in La Crosse. They had a banner hanging from the ceiling that said “This is God’s Country.” At the time I didn’t realize it but it was my first religious experience that was tongue in cheek. That impact however, was washed over by going out to dinner on a Friday night with the Rogers during Lent. I didn’t like all the rules about what you could eat, do and say. Joe’s sister, Jenny and I are the same age, and I remember Jenny whining about not being able to find anything appropriate to order on the menu. I felt so bad for her, and I was happy I didn’t have to follow those rules.

As a young adult, I just didn’t see any benefit to having a relationship with a higher power. I mean, I had been raised to live a moral life, not that I always did, but I wasn’t a serial killer or anything. So foolishly, I believed that my good was good enough. As long as I loved my family, was a good friend, and didn’t get caught breaking any really big laws, my life was mine to live the way I saw fit. It was at this time, that I began to deny the existence of the Holy Trinity. I remember a conversation I had with Bobbie Jo Buhr about organized religion and its hypocrisy and greediness. To me, it was better to think of the higher power as an alien that was just conducting a science experiment here on Earth. Sort of 2001 meet Dogma.

This must have been really difficult on my family. My husband, Mike, a confirmed Catholic, loved me in spite of my feelings toward God. I think he wanted to be with me more than he wanted to force his beliefs on me or perhaps he saw through my facade. What patience he showed with me. My dad married Judy, a faithful Catholic and with her shining example he returned to the Lutheran faith. I am so impressed by their ability to have a multidenominational relationship. They are so supportive of each other’s beliefs. Shari and Jerry both married Catholics and Kim married a Mormon. Each of my siblings converted to their spouse’s belief system, but I just couldn’t see myself becoming a Catholic. I was just too hung up on the hypocrisy and rules. So Mike and I never really did anything with organized church. We never took Frank and Mike to service, hardly ever read bible stories and never got them formally baptized. Periodically, Mike and I would discuss what to do about Frank and Mike’s lack of exposure to organized religion. I would always push back and for some reason Mike allowed it even though he didn’t agree with me.

Then our marriage hit the rocks! I mean Titanic like disaster. After 14 years, we lost all trust in each other and began growing apart. Somehow we found a life boat in Sue Panger. She wasn’t our first attempt at marital therapy, but she was the counselor that was effective. Her method was so non-judgmental and faithful.

She just absolutely refused to pick sides. Sue taught us to actively listen to each other, find common ground and communicate what we really meant. She also openly gave credit to God for everything. She began to open my eyes to what having a closer relationship with God could do for me.

The next step in God’s plan for me was Phyllis Holcomb and Shiela Williamson. Phyllis and I got extremely close because I was constantly running away from Mike and the problems at home. Phyllis provided me with a buoy to hang onto while I waited for the life boat to come. Her experiences and willingness to share them helped me see the benefit of doing the marriage work Mike and I had ahead of us. She continually told me what a horrible experience divorce would be and to make sure I exhausted every option before choosing it.  Shiela was more of a lighthouse. Ironically, Shiela is married to a non-believer. The greatest thing Shiela has taught me is to love your husband 100% even though he isn’t exactly who you want him to be. Shiela is a true believer and as far as I know, always has been. What a great example these two women provided for me.

Occasionally, when Phyllis and I would talk, she would mention wanting to go to church. She had attended a couple services with her sister and daughter but their schedule didn’t fit with hers. Amazingly, I offered to go with her. At first, it was just to do something for my friend/mentor. During the first service I attended at Great Lakes Church, I kept looking at everything through a cynic’s eyes, constantly on the look out for the hidden motive. Fortunately, GLC isn’t a stereotypical church. I loved the music, the way the message was delivered and the gracefulness of it. Suddenly, I wanted to attend weekly.

Poor Mike, I had completely spun a 180. We sat and talked for a couple days about my reasons to want to attend weekly and my insistance to bring Frank and Mike with me. In learning more about Jesus and the truth of his life, I started to accept Christianity as more than just a fairy tale. I opened my heart and now I consider myself a follower of Jesus Christ. Mike still hangs onto his Catholic upbringing but he is completely supportive of the boy’s and me attending GLC. To date, Mikey and I have been baptized and all three of us serve on at least one ministry team. Mike attends GLC with us periodically, and I am happy to say, God is a constant part of all of our lives. What a wonderful journey it has been so far……what more is there to come?

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