Fatal Attraction

Today, I got a text from a friend that made me laugh and disturbed me a bit. It was from a younger, male coworker. Josh is working diligently at improving his life. In the past year he has moved into his own apartment, gotten his driver's license, taken some classes, obtained his own car, insured it, and taken any extra work he can find. Josh is a young man of faith with a similar personality to my son, Frank. Having Josh around fills a spot in my heart that is generated by Frank's absence. Josh's willingness to do extra work and my eagerness to help out a young man of his character has created quite a scandal. That scandal is the reason for the text that provoked the anxious laugh. 

Last spring, Josh was working on getting his driver's license. Since he needed a ride and he was on my way, he asked me to pick him up for work until he could get his license and a car. He needed time practicing behind the wheel so I offered to let him drive on the way to work. Other people helped him learn to drive including some other married women and the trainers at our terminal . People that get to know him, just want to do what they can to help this guy.  

Last month, Mike and I took on a short term job hanging coupons door to door for Yellow Book. In order to increase efficiency and provide Josh an opportunity to make some extra money, I asked him to help me. Each morning for a couple weeks, Josh and I got into my car, left for about an hour and a half and returned back to the terminal. We spent time telling jokes, sharing YouTube videos and talking about Christianity. There were instances where I paid Josh in front of witnesses. It occurred to us that this behavior could be considered suspect. I posted a sarcastic status update on Facebook about the possibility of rumors starting. Then last week, at the end of our second month of hanging coupons, Josh and I decided to start our own rumor. We let it slip that Josh was helping Mike and I make a baby to occupy my empty nest. I shared the joke with my husband and he approved of our charade. We have laughed about it repeatedly since we planted the seed. 

Today, Josh said there are people at work that believe the rumor is true. Someone even "joked" that he is a home wrecker. Pretty funny right? That was my initial reaction. After serious reflection, I have decided to squash the rumor. I don't care if people think Josh and I are having an affair, but I do care that we are heading down a dangerous path. Neither Josh nor I have any intention of having a sexual relationship. The proper circumstances can cause unexpected things to occur. I care about him and he cares about me...he refers to me as being like a corrupting aunt who is fun that lets you get away with stuff. I want to be a positive role model for Josh, women, my sons, and basically everyone to whom I come in contact. My commitment to God's marriage law is unrelenting. Any slip on that dangerous path would cause many people a lot of pain. Josh and I need to guard against this ever happening. If it did happen, most likely, healing would occur, but the damage would leave scars on too many loved ones. Josh and I will remain friends within some set boundaries that will insure that we keep our relationship platonic. That is the best we can do to avoid a fatal attraction. 

Let's Talk About Sex

Mike and I have sex. Surprised? Of course not right, we have been married for 21 years. I mean, our marriage is old enough to drink legally. I enjoy sex with Mike, however, I haven't always enjoyed sex with him. Surprised now? Probably not. If you have read any of my other posts, you know that we haven't always had a good relationship. In my experience, great sex relies on a good relationship and honest communication. 

Relationship is important in many areas of our lives. If you don't get to know someone well, you can not get comfortable in their presence. Some aspects of relationship take time, but others happen instantly. Ever meet someone and not like the first impression you got of them, only to find out once you got to know them that you really like being around them? Now flip it, ever meet someone and know instantly that you would become great friends or experience love at first sight? I certainly have. Great sex, requires a great relationship, but sex doesn't. You can get the physical part of sex taken care of by yourself or with any willing partner. I think that masturbation and loveless sex are like going to a concert or riding a roller coaster by yourself. Still fun but they are a lot more enjoyable when you do them with someone that likes them as much as you do. 

Once you're in that relationship, you still need good, honest communication. It has taken Mike and I years to get comfortable with each others likes and dislikes. When our relationship was new, our sexual relationship reflected that immaturity. When our relationship was suffering, so did our sex life. That's because we were struggling to talk about who should do the dishes without having a fight about it. Once our relationship matured, we started talking honestly about what we liked and didn't like. I am not comfortable with everything he would like to try. I want to keep our sex life exciting and as we grow closer together I have  been more open to trying new things. Some things are definitely on the DO NOT DO AGAIN list! He appreciates the effort and never makes me feel like a prude for not wanting to try or not liking everything he likes. I don't think he is a pervert for wanting things that I don't necessarily want to do. In our relationship, he is the more daring partner. I don't think it's because he is the man and I'm the woman. I know plenty of guys that would be less daring than I am. 

Each person's comfort level talking about sex is different. I can talk dirty all day long in public with anyone. I know people that think that the subject should never be discussed, EVER. Maybe they were taught that sex is about making a baby and nothing else. Maybe they were abused. Maybe, they are just not as outgoing as me. One morning after Mike and I had gotten busy, I walked into work and my friend said that he could tell Mike and I had been intimate. He even could tell exactly what we had done. I was instantly embarrassed. How could he tell? It isn't like I was sporting "There's Something About Mary" hair gel. My point is, that even though I am usually comfortable talking about sex, I understand that isn't the case for everyone in every situation. I know people have gotten offended by things I have said. I'm sorry for that. 

While relationship is essential for a great sex life, sex is not essential for a great relationship. I have great friends both male and female with whom I would never consider having sex. I know couples that had awesome sex lives but who are no longer able to have sex because of health issues. That doesn't  mean they don't continue to love each other. They can't make that intimate connection any longer. I  bet they are happy they had it so great while they did.

So if you want to have great sex, go for it! Get with someone, fall in love, hopefully get married, start talking about what you like and don't like, experiment, be honest and most of all, express that love with intensity. Think about how much you want the other person to know the way you feel about them. Intimacy requires romance, patience, understanding and willing participants. That looks different for each of us. What does it look like for you?

Pedometer

This week I received a pedometer from my employer along with a message encouraging me to "Be Healthy." A pedometer is a small device you attach to your waist band that counts the steps you take while walking. The idea is to try and increase the steps you take each day which leads to a healthier lifestyle. Pause...reflect, look at all the steps I have taken that I have not measured. An infinite number of steps; too many for my little pedometer to count. However, I can separate those steps into groups. Each group resembles one of the five senses; hearing, sight, smell, taste, and touch. I am amazed at how each group desperately relies on the others in a state of coexistence.

I hate to listen! I want to be the one doing all the talking. Fortunately, when I really focus, I am a gifted listener. Sometimes I don't even realize what I am hearing until years later. I look at the steps I have taken that involve listening and they include guidance, reading, music, and my conscience.  I am writing this post because of the thoughts racing through my head that won't allow me to get a good nights rest. One of my favorite things to listen to throughout the years has been children, especially the special ones I am privileged know. Another great thing to listen to is nature; the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, the wind in the trees or birds chirping...precious. 

Sight requires me to open my eyes first. I look around me and watch as others take steps that lead me in the right direction. I am able to choose my path wisely if I look at the paths others have chosen and the consequences for those choices. I also must look inside myself and be honest about my shortcomings and strengths. My open eyes allow me to lead others when they are lost or pick them up if they stumble on the path. Fortunately, I have the gift of encouragement and a bright light shines within me. Many times the path is treacherous and full of dangerous leaps that must be made blindly. I have discovered that once I accept the courage to make those leaps of faith, the most daunting ones are actually made up of thousands of tiny, simple steps. 

Wake up and smell the coffee and something smells fishy in here. Two contrasting statements that direct me safely along my journey. The former commands me to stop my wrong doing or face dire consequences. The latter is a warning sign before I even step down a dangerous path. Of the two, the coffee smells more offensive than the fish. Admitting to myself that I am already walking on the wrong path and making the leap or taking the thousands of steps required to get back onto the correct one is overwhelming. It is much easier to smell the fish before I step onto the wrong path. I have discovered my sense of smell is implanted deeply inside my heart and not plainly on the tip of my nose. 

How do you know you don't like it, you haven't even tried it yet? The flavors of life are plentiful. The courage to try new things and step down dimly lit paths allows me to taste what life has to offer. I  don't always like what I try, but each new taste is a step along my amazing journey. Trying new things allows me to fine tune my palette so that each step I take is more tasty than the one before. Not every flavor I taste is healthy for me; candy coated razor blades, they go down easily but tear me up once they are inside. Other flavors don't seem appetizing to me at first, but are actually the best tasting item on the menu. The best part of trying new flavors is the people I meet and experiencing those tastes with them.

Should I climb over that huge boulder in the way or should I try to feel my way around it? When my path is blocked I have to feel the best way to continue on safely. If I don't touch the boulder, I might not discover that occasionally it is a curtain, easily pushed aside and walked through. There is warmth, tenderness, frigid cold and sharpness as I feel my way along. Anxious steps are taken along a path full of tears that brings great joy further along; wading through the tears is the only way to find that particular joy. I stick my toe in to test the water before I jump in. Finally, I jump in and the water soothes and cleanses me. I receive massages that feel relaxing and relieve my tension. What a feeling as I dance along to the rhythm of the music in my heart.  

Countless steps grouped together have brought me to this place where I stand. I am in the middle of a journey that I hope ends in a place full of peace. If I hadn't taken the first step, I would never have been able to hope to reach that place. I have come such a long way, but there is so much further to go, each step steadily bringing me closer to my final destination. I pray that I continue to choose those steps wisely. 1, 2, 3...