Mike and I have sex. Surprised? Of course not right, we have been married for 21 years. I mean, our marriage is old enough to drink legally. I enjoy sex with Mike, however, I haven't always enjoyed sex with him. Surprised now? Probably not. If you have read any of my other posts, you know that we haven't always had a good relationship. In my experience, great sex relies on a good relationship and honest communication.
Relationship is important in many areas of our lives. If you don't get to know someone well, you can not get comfortable in their presence. Some aspects of relationship take time, but others happen instantly. Ever meet someone and not like the first impression you got of them, only to find out once you got to know them that you really like being around them? Now flip it, ever meet someone and know instantly that you would become great friends or experience love at first sight? I certainly have. Great sex, requires a great relationship, but sex doesn't. You can get the physical part of sex taken care of by yourself or with any willing partner. I think that masturbation and loveless sex are like going to a concert or riding a roller coaster by yourself. Still fun but they are a lot more enjoyable when you do them with someone that likes them as much as you do.
Once you're in that relationship, you still need good, honest communication. It has taken Mike and I years to get comfortable with each others likes and dislikes. When our relationship was new, our sexual relationship reflected that immaturity. When our relationship was suffering, so did our sex life. That's because we were struggling to talk about who should do the dishes without having a fight about it. Once our relationship matured, we started talking honestly about what we liked and didn't like. I am not comfortable with everything he would like to try. I want to keep our sex life exciting and as we grow closer together I have been more open to trying new things. Some things are definitely on the DO NOT DO AGAIN list! He appreciates the effort and never makes me feel like a prude for not wanting to try or not liking everything he likes. I don't think he is a pervert for wanting things that I don't necessarily want to do. In our relationship, he is the more daring partner. I don't think it's because he is the man and I'm the woman. I know plenty of guys that would be less daring than I am.
Each person's comfort level talking about sex is different. I can talk dirty all day long in public with anyone. I know people that think that the subject should never be discussed, EVER. Maybe they were taught that sex is about making a baby and nothing else. Maybe they were abused. Maybe, they are just not as outgoing as me. One morning after Mike and I had gotten busy, I walked into work and my friend said that he could tell Mike and I had been intimate. He even could tell exactly what we had done. I was instantly embarrassed. How could he tell? It isn't like I was sporting "There's Something About Mary" hair gel. My point is, that even though I am usually comfortable talking about sex, I understand that isn't the case for everyone in every situation. I know people have gotten offended by things I have said. I'm sorry for that.
While relationship is essential for a great sex life, sex is not essential for a great relationship. I have great friends both male and female with whom I would never consider having sex. I know couples that had awesome sex lives but who are no longer able to have sex because of health issues. That doesn't mean they don't continue to love each other. They can't make that intimate connection any longer. I bet they are happy they had it so great while they did.
So if you want to have great sex, go for it! Get with someone, fall in love, hopefully get married, start talking about what you like and don't like, experiment, be honest and most of all, express that love with intensity. Think about how much you want the other person to know the way you feel about them. Intimacy requires romance, patience, understanding and willing participants. That looks different for each of us. What does it look like for you?
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