Bomb the World

Last night I went to see the movie Les Miserables. The acting was fantastic and the cinematography was incredible. The plot of the movie depicts a man who is transformed from a violent criminal full of hate and bitterness to a beneficial member of society full of compassion and forgiveness. His transformation positively effects the lives of hundreds of other people.This occurs over many years but the process is begun when one man shows him grace. Imagine that, one man showing one other man grace one time can change the course of hundreds of lives. Now imagine if a whole nation was willing to show grace...

September 11, 2001 was a horrible day in the history of the United States. Check that, it was a horrible day in the history of mankind. The terrorist attacks of 9/11 were tragic and I grieved for the victims of those attacks and their families. The problem I have is how those attacks were used as an excuse to promote a war. Now don't get me wrong, I was angry, bitter, saddened and frightened by the events of that day. However, I don't see the value in responding to violence with more violence. When is mankind going to realize that violence brings one thing, more of the same?

You may think I am a radical  hippie who hates America and the military. WRONG! I thank God daily for choosing this country for me to be born and live. I believe the USA is the greatest country on Earth. My father was in the Army. My uncle was in the Navy during WWII and my "third son," Spencer (a neighbor who we have known since he was four years old) is currently in the Navy. I could not be more proud of him if he was my own son. His USN graduation picture hangs on my fridge. Both of my sons considered joining the military and Mike and I took them to the recruiting office to show them how we would support that decision if they chose to serve their country. Should one of them decide to join in the future, Mike and I would completely support their choice. 

I know how to shoot a gun. I shoot them regularly with my dad. I have encouraged my sons to learn how to shoot and educated them on gun safety and usage. Currently, I do not personally own a gun, but I don't own an ATV, a sports car or a fishing boat either. I am not against owning any of those in the future. My hope is I would use them in the manner for which they are intended for use. 

I realize the value of having a military force to defend and protect our country from invaders. I am not naive enough to think that the world is ready for my anti-violence stance. I am a realist but I am also an idealist. Therefore, ideally, I believe that peace is the answer. In the grand scheme of things, that is probably not possible in my lifetime.

So what can one person do to change the world? I can start by choosing to teach and exhibit peaceful behavior. I have tried hard to teach my sons that revenge is a waste of time. I talk about using non-violent responses to conflict with the students I transport. I have rarely gotten violent with my sons, my husband, my friends or my enemies. I am not perfect. I have dreamed and discussed with others ways to get revenge on those who have hurt me and the ones I love. I have done some horrible things to others and not once did it improve the situation. 

I know you might say, Sue, you have never been a victim of violence. How do you know you would react that way if someone attacked you or one of your kids? The truth is, I don't know what my reaction would be if that ever happened. My hope is that in time I would be able to forgive the offender and never choose to cause them harm. I have been a victim of crime and injustice. It's done...I really believe they will have to atone for their behavior. Here's the thing...I also believe that so will I. 

That is why ideally I would choose a non-violent reaction. That is why I teach it and do my best to live it. That is why I would like you to think about choosing to support peaceful solutions to your daily conflicts. That is why I would like you to reconsider supporting the death penalty. That is why I would like you to reconsider supporting teachers being allowed to carry guns. That is why I would like you to reconsider thinking a gun can protect you from violence. That is why I would like you to search inside yourself and think about how you would like to be judged for the wrongs that you have done. 

When we all start to change the way we react to violence, it will start to make a difference for the better of all mankind. One man showing another man undeserved grace impacted hundreds in the story of Les Miserables. One choice you make to not fight back can make an equally powerful impact. 

WE CAN BOMB THE WORLD TO PIECES BUT WE CAN'T BOMB IT INTO PEACE! 

POWER TO THE PEACEFUL <3

Bomb the World -Michael Franti

I Am Who I Am

It's interesting to me how figuring out your purpose changes your priorities. I realize that I have not come close to understanding all there is to know about Sue Rizzo, but I think I have moved a lot closer to the person I am meant to be than the one I was just a short time ago.

Looking back, I see how the choices I made set up the circumstances that taught me the lessons I needed to learn to fulfill my purpose. Should I go to college? Should I quit college and enter the work force?  Should I work in a factory or somewhere else? Should I have a long distance relationship? Should I have an abortion? Should I move to California? Should I become a bus driver? Should I work for the union? Should I quit working for the union? Should I start going to church? Should I lead a growth group? Should I play softball? Should I start a blog? Should I have more children? If just one of the answers to those questions changed from the choice I made, my entire life would be different. I would not be sitting here writing this post. I might not be sitting anywhere at all.

What does that have to do with discovering my purpose? Well, it occurs to me that this is where I am and that must be for a reason. Now that I have a better understanding of my purpose I am presented with more choices. Some decisions are easy and clear but others are very difficult. Fortunately, I have faith that regardless of which way I choose I will find my way back to that purpose. So I boldly step into my future with great anticipation, some fear but without any regrets. One way or another, each choice will result in something powerful.

All Apologies, Thank You and a Promise to Try!

Have you ever been bullied? Probably...have you ever bullied someone else? Truthfully, you probably have. Finally, have you ever been bullied by me? Odds are pretty good if you are reading this, that I have. For some reason, I find it funny to pick on other people. Sometimes it's hilarious, but mostly it's just mean. It's mean to find some insecurity or fault and exploit it. Guilty! If we are close, I have really hit you hard. My biggest target, Mike. The person I have sworn to share the rest of my life with and I am mean to him, why? I take it for granted that he will always be with me, that we can survive anything, that our love will carry us through and that he will always forgive me. I do that with each of you. I am truly sorry. I am sorry that I tried to make myself feel better by making you feel like crap. All apologies to those that have been hurt by my words. 

Usually, it's pretty fun to be around a witty person and I know that I don't have to beat myself up to the point of self destruction. I want to thank the people in my life that have opened my eyes to the times I have stepped over the line from funny to mean. My family, close friends, some innocent by standers and again, my husband deserve a big thank you for having the courage to be honest with me. I love you for your kindness, understanding and willingness to see past the pain my words cause you. Thank you for your mercy, grace and unconditional love. 

Okay, I am a smart ass. I always have been, and I always will be. Better than being a dumb ass, right?  My hope is that I will not be on the attack and check myself when I begin to go too far. I know I can be funny without being mean. Now, time to put it into action. I promise to try to be kinder, more considerate and not to allow my words to cause pain. 

All Apologies - Nirvana

Thank You - Alanis Morissette

Try - P!NK

Playing a Familiar Song

I sit wearing headphones, listening to Spotify and touch the appropriate keys on the keyboard forming words. Why? Usually, I sit down to write and I have a good idea what I will say. Today, I opened this up with no plan; no overwhelming feeling about one thing I need to get out of me. I am pretty sure there are multiple reasons for why I write including cleansing my soul, purging emotions, spreading the word on a topic that has touched me, and I know this might not make sense to some of you, but I feel God sends me topics. Check that. Several times, I have felt God using me as His instrument. 

I stole that "instrument" phrase from a conversation I had yesterday with my friend, Chris. We were discussing the outcome of a fundraiser for Wisconsin Independent Life College. Even though, Mike and I were not able to attend, I helped produce and edit a video that explained what WILC's purpose and mission  are. 

Now we are talking about a topic about which I can not say enough! Promoting, volunteering and taking part in realizing this vision has been a important part of my life recently. As big as it has been for me, there are many, many others that have come together to transform an idea into reality. Now that it has opened with a pilot program that includes 3 students, I dream about what WILC could be in the very near future. I hope that it will become a place where many of the students I come into contact with as a bus driver, will be able to go to progress much further toward independent living than they would have been able to before WILC.  I imagine Justin, Carlos, Maddox, Noora, Jack, Aggie and many others as young adults attending WILC. I think of all the possibilities WILC could open up for them. My hope for their future doesn't lie alone with WILC and it's continued success. On the contrary, even if WILC doesn't prosper as I hope it will, my hope and passion will continue on to find a better way to teach, train and integrate those affected with Autism and similar disorders. 

Anyway, I figured out what had to be said. Would you please take a look at the video I helped create and share it with others? Thank you in advance! 

WILC Video Link  

WILC  Staff and Students at the Ribbon Cutting

Fatal Attraction

Today, I got a text from a friend that made me laugh and disturbed me a bit. It was from a younger, male coworker. Josh is working diligently at improving his life. In the past year he has moved into his own apartment, gotten his driver's license, taken some classes, obtained his own car, insured it, and taken any extra work he can find. Josh is a young man of faith with a similar personality to my son, Frank. Having Josh around fills a spot in my heart that is generated by Frank's absence. Josh's willingness to do extra work and my eagerness to help out a young man of his character has created quite a scandal. That scandal is the reason for the text that provoked the anxious laugh. 

Last spring, Josh was working on getting his driver's license. Since he needed a ride and he was on my way, he asked me to pick him up for work until he could get his license and a car. He needed time practicing behind the wheel so I offered to let him drive on the way to work. Other people helped him learn to drive including some other married women and the trainers at our terminal . People that get to know him, just want to do what they can to help this guy.  

Last month, Mike and I took on a short term job hanging coupons door to door for Yellow Book. In order to increase efficiency and provide Josh an opportunity to make some extra money, I asked him to help me. Each morning for a couple weeks, Josh and I got into my car, left for about an hour and a half and returned back to the terminal. We spent time telling jokes, sharing YouTube videos and talking about Christianity. There were instances where I paid Josh in front of witnesses. It occurred to us that this behavior could be considered suspect. I posted a sarcastic status update on Facebook about the possibility of rumors starting. Then last week, at the end of our second month of hanging coupons, Josh and I decided to start our own rumor. We let it slip that Josh was helping Mike and I make a baby to occupy my empty nest. I shared the joke with my husband and he approved of our charade. We have laughed about it repeatedly since we planted the seed. 

Today, Josh said there are people at work that believe the rumor is true. Someone even "joked" that he is a home wrecker. Pretty funny right? That was my initial reaction. After serious reflection, I have decided to squash the rumor. I don't care if people think Josh and I are having an affair, but I do care that we are heading down a dangerous path. Neither Josh nor I have any intention of having a sexual relationship. The proper circumstances can cause unexpected things to occur. I care about him and he cares about me...he refers to me as being like a corrupting aunt who is fun that lets you get away with stuff. I want to be a positive role model for Josh, women, my sons, and basically everyone to whom I come in contact. My commitment to God's marriage law is unrelenting. Any slip on that dangerous path would cause many people a lot of pain. Josh and I need to guard against this ever happening. If it did happen, most likely, healing would occur, but the damage would leave scars on too many loved ones. Josh and I will remain friends within some set boundaries that will insure that we keep our relationship platonic. That is the best we can do to avoid a fatal attraction. 

Let's Talk About Sex

Mike and I have sex. Surprised? Of course not right, we have been married for 21 years. I mean, our marriage is old enough to drink legally. I enjoy sex with Mike, however, I haven't always enjoyed sex with him. Surprised now? Probably not. If you have read any of my other posts, you know that we haven't always had a good relationship. In my experience, great sex relies on a good relationship and honest communication. 

Relationship is important in many areas of our lives. If you don't get to know someone well, you can not get comfortable in their presence. Some aspects of relationship take time, but others happen instantly. Ever meet someone and not like the first impression you got of them, only to find out once you got to know them that you really like being around them? Now flip it, ever meet someone and know instantly that you would become great friends or experience love at first sight? I certainly have. Great sex, requires a great relationship, but sex doesn't. You can get the physical part of sex taken care of by yourself or with any willing partner. I think that masturbation and loveless sex are like going to a concert or riding a roller coaster by yourself. Still fun but they are a lot more enjoyable when you do them with someone that likes them as much as you do. 

Once you're in that relationship, you still need good, honest communication. It has taken Mike and I years to get comfortable with each others likes and dislikes. When our relationship was new, our sexual relationship reflected that immaturity. When our relationship was suffering, so did our sex life. That's because we were struggling to talk about who should do the dishes without having a fight about it. Once our relationship matured, we started talking honestly about what we liked and didn't like. I am not comfortable with everything he would like to try. I want to keep our sex life exciting and as we grow closer together I have  been more open to trying new things. Some things are definitely on the DO NOT DO AGAIN list! He appreciates the effort and never makes me feel like a prude for not wanting to try or not liking everything he likes. I don't think he is a pervert for wanting things that I don't necessarily want to do. In our relationship, he is the more daring partner. I don't think it's because he is the man and I'm the woman. I know plenty of guys that would be less daring than I am. 

Each person's comfort level talking about sex is different. I can talk dirty all day long in public with anyone. I know people that think that the subject should never be discussed, EVER. Maybe they were taught that sex is about making a baby and nothing else. Maybe they were abused. Maybe, they are just not as outgoing as me. One morning after Mike and I had gotten busy, I walked into work and my friend said that he could tell Mike and I had been intimate. He even could tell exactly what we had done. I was instantly embarrassed. How could he tell? It isn't like I was sporting "There's Something About Mary" hair gel. My point is, that even though I am usually comfortable talking about sex, I understand that isn't the case for everyone in every situation. I know people have gotten offended by things I have said. I'm sorry for that. 

While relationship is essential for a great sex life, sex is not essential for a great relationship. I have great friends both male and female with whom I would never consider having sex. I know couples that had awesome sex lives but who are no longer able to have sex because of health issues. That doesn't  mean they don't continue to love each other. They can't make that intimate connection any longer. I  bet they are happy they had it so great while they did.

So if you want to have great sex, go for it! Get with someone, fall in love, hopefully get married, start talking about what you like and don't like, experiment, be honest and most of all, express that love with intensity. Think about how much you want the other person to know the way you feel about them. Intimacy requires romance, patience, understanding and willing participants. That looks different for each of us. What does it look like for you?

Pedometer

This week I received a pedometer from my employer along with a message encouraging me to "Be Healthy." A pedometer is a small device you attach to your waist band that counts the steps you take while walking. The idea is to try and increase the steps you take each day which leads to a healthier lifestyle. Pause...reflect, look at all the steps I have taken that I have not measured. An infinite number of steps; too many for my little pedometer to count. However, I can separate those steps into groups. Each group resembles one of the five senses; hearing, sight, smell, taste, and touch. I am amazed at how each group desperately relies on the others in a state of coexistence.

I hate to listen! I want to be the one doing all the talking. Fortunately, when I really focus, I am a gifted listener. Sometimes I don't even realize what I am hearing until years later. I look at the steps I have taken that involve listening and they include guidance, reading, music, and my conscience.  I am writing this post because of the thoughts racing through my head that won't allow me to get a good nights rest. One of my favorite things to listen to throughout the years has been children, especially the special ones I am privileged know. Another great thing to listen to is nature; the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, the wind in the trees or birds chirping...precious. 

Sight requires me to open my eyes first. I look around me and watch as others take steps that lead me in the right direction. I am able to choose my path wisely if I look at the paths others have chosen and the consequences for those choices. I also must look inside myself and be honest about my shortcomings and strengths. My open eyes allow me to lead others when they are lost or pick them up if they stumble on the path. Fortunately, I have the gift of encouragement and a bright light shines within me. Many times the path is treacherous and full of dangerous leaps that must be made blindly. I have discovered that once I accept the courage to make those leaps of faith, the most daunting ones are actually made up of thousands of tiny, simple steps. 

Wake up and smell the coffee and something smells fishy in here. Two contrasting statements that direct me safely along my journey. The former commands me to stop my wrong doing or face dire consequences. The latter is a warning sign before I even step down a dangerous path. Of the two, the coffee smells more offensive than the fish. Admitting to myself that I am already walking on the wrong path and making the leap or taking the thousands of steps required to get back onto the correct one is overwhelming. It is much easier to smell the fish before I step onto the wrong path. I have discovered my sense of smell is implanted deeply inside my heart and not plainly on the tip of my nose. 

How do you know you don't like it, you haven't even tried it yet? The flavors of life are plentiful. The courage to try new things and step down dimly lit paths allows me to taste what life has to offer. I  don't always like what I try, but each new taste is a step along my amazing journey. Trying new things allows me to fine tune my palette so that each step I take is more tasty than the one before. Not every flavor I taste is healthy for me; candy coated razor blades, they go down easily but tear me up once they are inside. Other flavors don't seem appetizing to me at first, but are actually the best tasting item on the menu. The best part of trying new flavors is the people I meet and experiencing those tastes with them.

Should I climb over that huge boulder in the way or should I try to feel my way around it? When my path is blocked I have to feel the best way to continue on safely. If I don't touch the boulder, I might not discover that occasionally it is a curtain, easily pushed aside and walked through. There is warmth, tenderness, frigid cold and sharpness as I feel my way along. Anxious steps are taken along a path full of tears that brings great joy further along; wading through the tears is the only way to find that particular joy. I stick my toe in to test the water before I jump in. Finally, I jump in and the water soothes and cleanses me. I receive massages that feel relaxing and relieve my tension. What a feeling as I dance along to the rhythm of the music in my heart.  

Countless steps grouped together have brought me to this place where I stand. I am in the middle of a journey that I hope ends in a place full of peace. If I hadn't taken the first step, I would never have been able to hope to reach that place. I have come such a long way, but there is so much further to go, each step steadily bringing me closer to my final destination. I pray that I continue to choose those steps wisely. 1, 2, 3...

More Than Words

I have had a internal mantra lately that consists of lyrics from the Tenth Avenue North song "You Are More ." Whenever I have a quiet moment or when I feel overwhelmed it pops into my head; "It's not about what you've done, but what's been done for you. This is not about where you've been but what your brokenness brings you to." The first line references the grace of God offered through Jesus Christ and the second that our experiences are an essential part to bringing purpose to our life. It is pretty normal for me to have a song stuck in my head. What I am discovering is that the words usually reflect two things: whatever problem I am struggling with consciously and what is going on in my subconscious. 

Before I work through this, I want to remind everyone that I was not always a believer. My previous post, Oh......my God! tells the story of me finding my faith. Currently, I am struggling with a couple relationships and preparing for a group I will be leading this fall that will focus on finding meaning in catastrophic loss. These are the conscious struggles I am wrestling with daily. My mantra reminds me that I need to show compassion and patience instead of reacting with judgement and anger. This is so hard and I fail at it constantly. I allow my reactions to reflect the spite, bitterness and loneliness that I feel inside. Fortunately, I have a safety net that prevents my actions from destroying my spirit. 

Subconsciously, I think my mantra exposes acts of selfishness and disobedience. I know my past, my feelings and choices have not been perfect. I know I fail daily at answering the calls I receive and that I don't put my full trust in God. That is the beauty of Christianity. Regardless of my failures, God offers me forgiveness, grace, and eternity. He provides me with everything I need to have a full, rich life that fulfills His plan and purpose for my existence. For me, that is a humbling sentence. My life belongs to Him, not me, yet he still provides me with the choice to disobey Him and waits patiently for me to answer the call. Then He takes my failures and turns them into successes. 

If you are a non-believer or if you are having doubts about your faith, I want to ask a favor from you. Please read this with an open mind and more importantly with an open heart. There are times in everyone's life when they question why they are hurting, why there is injustice in the world, why life has to be so difficult and unfair. Your questions are valid and no one has all the answers, I sure the hell don't! Life is about living in search of those answers and listening to the hard truths that those answers provide. It's what your brokenness brings you to. God Bless 

Letting Go

What a terrific summer I experienced. I got to visit with my entire family. Mike and I took a vacation alone together. We celebrated Frank and Mike's high school graduation. I got to spend time with some amazing young men with Autism. I led a growth group, hung out at the beach a few times, went to Summerfest, endured the blazing heat of July, walked regularly with Mama Kreuser, took a visit to Marinette to see Sue Won and spent a lot of quality time with Mike. School is  back in session and my life is more structured. The structure sure looks different than it ever has  before. I am still driving special needs students. I work pretty much the same hours I did last year. I am working Saturday charters and going to GLC regularly. So what's changed?

The boys are now in college. Frank is studying at MSOE and living in Milwaukee. Mike is going to Carthage, but living at home. With school, cross country and work he is not home very often. So, do I have empty nest syndrome? Sure,  life is different! Am I laying in bed, too depressed to get up? Not a chance! 

Marriage, friendships, professional relationships and family change. My marriage is stronger than ever. I was angry with Mike for a long time. The process of getting over that bitterness took work. Shiela moved away and Phyllis and I have grown apart. My closest friends are Chris, Jane, and Angela. We may not talk every day, but they have my confidence. I have different monitors, schools and students than last year. Tara is working in dispatch, because our dispatcher was badly injured in a car accident. My boys gain more and more independence daily. Sure, it's weird not going to Mike's running meets or knowing what Frank is up to every day. In order to cope with missing them, I focus on the fact that they are maturing young men of great character and faith. That is exactly what their father and I raised them to be. That makes me extremely happy. 

Moving Forward

Last week I was walking to my bus. Our Safety Manager and a Union Rep were walking together in front of me. This all looked very official so I couldn't resist making a comment along the line of how it looked like they were conducting some serious business, but that it was none of my business. The Union Rep turned around and said how I had left all that behind. I came back with that I had moved forward and that it was all just a matter of point of view. 

Looking back, I have moved forward away from the Union. I don't regret the time I spent working in it at all, but I am happy to be away from it. The stress is unbelievable, the money is minimal and opportunities to do good, let alone, accomplish some good, are overshadowed by the never ending complaints. It  was a rare occasion that I felt a sense of satisfaction from doing that work. I have respect and compassion for those that fight for worker's rights.

There were positives that I took away from that time. It was a catalyst for many friendships, I  learned about the administrative side of unions, it forced me to relate to people I wouldn't have taken the time for otherwise and it helped me to be a better bus driver. Most of all, it made me recognize how important my family is to me. 

Frank and Mike are days away from graduating from high school. I wonder about the course their lives will take. I wonder about the course my life will take. I like the way I am going right now, but opportunities continue to present themselves for me to switch directions. Is it better to stay the course or jibe in search of more wind? There is so much to consider as I move forward. 

Stretching Muscles

I haven't written in awhile. There a few reasons for it including time, priorities and not having anything I want to share. What do I want to share today? I have lots of thoughts running through my head...it's Denise's birthday, our finances are stressed, how to parent my boys, hardship of others, my relationships and Ash Wednesday. What I am realizing is that all these things cause me to turn in one direction...to God. Yep, here it is, taking it to religion. I know people right now that are either denying, questioning or expressing a faith in God.  

Denial, I've been there. It made no sense to a logical minded person as myself to believe in something that I was not seeing. I remember not seeing God and not believing having a relationship with Him was important. Funny thing is that whether I believed it or not, God was there for me. Not saving me from pain or loss, but comforting me and strengthening me. Each time I denied Him, I was one step closer to accepting Him and He knew that, even when I didn't. Many of my friends are non-believers and I pray for them to open their hearts to God's love. I try to set an example of how having that relationship can make hard times easier, make difficult choices more confident and that showing love will make you happier. If you are one of those people in denial right now, it's okay. It's your choice to make and I am not judging you. I will just keep praying for you to see the Light.

Questioning, completely normal for anyone, believer or not. How could a loving God let bad things happen? Why are my prayers not being answered?  How much more do I have to take until there is relief? The answers we receive are frustrating... we live in a fallen world where we are left to fight with our relentless sinful nature, our prayers are answered in time or with a "no," and God will only give you as much as you can handle. Are you kidding me, how is that helpful? So I have to slow down and change perspectives. In a world full of sin, how does God still love us? Am I praying for the right things? How much more do I have to give? Right now, many of us are consumed with hardship. I am swimming in it daily. I have gotten to the point that I am afraid to talk to anyone because I am not sure I can handle hearing about any more pain, loss, sadness and disappointment. Yet, I keep talking to people, offering them comfort and support, because when I needed it, there was someone there for me. So my answer comes from Michael Franti (big shocker!)...wise folks count their blessings and fools count their problems. 

Expression, seeing a lot of it lately. A couple weeks ago, a group of people at work wrote prayers on post-its, put them into balloons and released them into the atmosphere. I see posts on Facebook of people asking for and offering prayer or thanking God. I hear about faith in conversation and I see crosses everywhere. I wonder if I am more aware of it now or if it is more prevalent. Regardless, it's reassuring to know that God is out there working through and on all of us. He may show favor to others in different ways than He does to me, but He is there, believe it or not. 

There you go, at one time or another, I have denied, questioned and expressed my faith. There is a metaphor that faith is a muscle, it needs to be tested to get stronger. I am rolling me eyes as I type it but I believe it right now and it is helping me deal with all the those things that life keeps throwing at me and those around me. 

Ownership

Over the past few weeks I have been bombarded with this idea of ownership.....not physically owning an object, but accepting your role in a circumstance in which you find yourself. Everywhere I look I see people that make excuses and rationalize their behaviors. I catch myself doing this or worse, one of my guys or friends busts me out. 


The biggest example I have is my relationship with Mike. Over the years we have had many fights.  It took lots of couples therapy to learn the technique and even though we know how, it is still extremely difficult to put our emotions on hold and to listen to the other person and really care about their perspective. Too often we take it for granted that we love each other and that is going to be enough to get us through anything. Sometimes you need that other person to know that regardless of the love, what they did or said or how they said what they said was hurtful. This Christmas Eve I had to face that. I said something to Mike in such a nasty, mean tone that he got upset with me for the next two days. It almost wrecked our Christmas and even though I felt I had a good excuse and rationalization for what I said, it still hurt his feelings. In the end, we worked it out and our relationship grew stronger. This could not have happened if I continued to hold on to my excuses and rationale for what I said. I now have a reason, not an excuse. This is why I said, what I said. Regardless, I am sorry it hurt you and I will try to consider that in the future. Easy peasy lemon squeezy right? I wish. 


I see the opposite of ownership every day, defensiveness. I hear it on my bus, at home, at work and among my friends. I understand it is difficult to stop, take a look inward and take responsibility for your actions. Sometimes we are afraid of the consequences. Last year I drove my bus into the ditch. I was on a snow covered road and lost control when I tried to avoid an oncoming plow. The fact of the matter was that I was going too fast for conditions. When I talked to the safety person about it, I admitted that. I was afraid of the consequences. I considered blaming the plow entirely. Fortunately, I didn't lose any time or pay and just had a short discussion. I keep thinking that if I had not taken ownership in my part that it would have turned out differently. The result of my taking ownership not only possibly avoided some consequences but also taught me a lesson. Now I go slower on snow covered roads. Who knows how many times this is going to protect me in the future?


Another reason I think people avoid ownership is their necessity to be right. That was a huge obstacle for Mike and me when we were in therapy. Fortunately when we started caring about what the other person was thinking and feeling, we were able to overcome that necessity to be right and begin to compromise. Here's the thing about being right....you are only right from your own perspective. You may be able to find people that agree with your perspective, but in the end, what matters in a relationship is the ability to see and accept the other person's perspective. Letting go of your "self" is a difficult thing to do. However, once you begin to do that, you will be able to heal and eventually grow. 


Defensiveness is natural. I feel it a lot. Overcoming it is essential to leading a life with peace, purpose and happiness. I want to challenge my readers to look at one thing in their lives today where they are avoiding ownership and to start to see how they are responsible for their actions and circumstances. No excuses; no rationalizations; just a reason and a willingness to move forward with forgiveness....probably of yourself. 

Love at First Sight

I wrote this a year ago for the boy's 18th birthday. Today they are 19. They are each doing well in their freshman year of college: Frank at Milwaukee School of Engineering and Mike at Carthage. Each year my love grows for them. Happy Birthday guys! 

Tomorrow is Frank and Mike's 18th birthday. The overwhelming feelings I have regarding my boys turning 18 include pride, angst, enthusiasm and elation. I have loved them every minute of their lives, especially when I was disappointed, angry and frustrated with their actions. I remember the circumstances of their birth and how stressful it was for Mike and me. 

The story begins in April of 1993. Mike and I had been married for about 2 years. For Valentine's Day that year, Mike gave us a trip to Hawaii and we went in April. We wanted to celebrate just being a couple together before we started parenthood. We packed in a lot of fun and sun in that trip even though we were sick for the first day we were there. When we got home, I stopped taking my birth control pills. 

Mike's sister, Lorie, came to visit us in Palm Springs a couple months later. She was with us when we found out I was pregnant. She and I like to reminisce about Mike dancing around the condo singing "I'm gonna be a daddy!" We went out to dinner to celebrate and we toasted to the first Rizzo grandchild. Just water for me. :)

At four months, the same day of my first ultrasound, Mike and I went crib shopping. We found some beautifully expensive crib and sheet sets. We went to the ultrasound without purchasing because we wanted to shop a little more first. One of the decisions we made before the ultrasound was not to know the sex of the baby. During the procedure, the nurse asked us if twins run in our family. Mike replied, yes in his family. She said she thought there were twins and the doctor confirmed it. We immediately changed our minds and wanted to know the sex of each. I was working for Domino's at the time and Mike and my boss, Jose kept joking that I was carrying twins. To this day, I believe this twin thing was some sort of Italian/Mexican curse...okay, not a curse; blessing. God had shown me favor by blessing this perpetual tomboy with two boys. Mike was overwhelmed and had to have a drink at lunch. He eventually got comfortable with the idea and we went back to the store and bought two reasonably priced crib and sheet sets. 

Not much really changed during the rest of my pregnancy except I had to take two prenatal vitamins instead of one. They always made me nauseous and taking two made it worse. I had to pull over during a pizza delivery one time to puke out the door. Mike's brother got married in Vegas during my pregnancy and I got sick there too. I found out it wasn't as bad if I didn't take them on an empty stomach. At seven months (about 30 weeks), I was forced to stop working. This provided me with lots of time to learn about the cause of multiple pregnancies. Fraternal twins, like mine, are cause by two eggs being fertilized during one pregnancy. Two eggs meant this would have to run in my family for it to be hereditary. What I learned is that when you stop taking birth control, it initially has the same hormonal effect as taking fertility pills. That explains that! 

In December of 1993 Mike was working tirelessly for Baker's Square. He was responsible for managing  both the restaurants in the area. I was about 32 weeks and had to go to my OB appointment without him. My blood pressure was high and I was sent out to the waiting room to relax and try to lower my anxiety or I would have to be admitted to the hospital. What a brilliant idea; give me an ultimatum like that to lower my blood pressure. Of course, I couldn't lower my anxiety and the blood pressure remained high. My multiple pregnancy was now complicated with the possibility of Preeclampsia. It was two days after Christmas; Mike was working constantly and there was no family within 1000 miles. I had a double Amniocentesis procedure to determine if the babies' lungs were developed enough to deliver them. They were not so I was given steroids to accelerate their growth. I spent a week confined to that hospital room on forced bed rest and a low salt diet. Thank God for college football bowl season! The Badgers beat UCLA in the Rose Bowl! My friends and Mike came to visit as often as they could. 

On January 2, 1994 I had another double Amniocentesis. That night I was informed that the babies still needed to cook a little longer. I went to sleep dreading having to spend more lonely time waiting for these babies to be born. I was awakened early the next morning by a nurse asking me if I was ready to have these babies. I was confused but she reassured me that the follow up test showed that the babies were developed enough to be delivered. I called Mike and told him he needed to get to the hospital. He was equally confused but also really excited. He got there in plenty of time to join me in the OR for my noon scheduled surgery. As I was being taken into the OR, we were informed that there was no anesthesiologist available and we had to wait four more hours for one. I was literally half way in the door! Mike and I spent the time waiting together watching a movie and trying to rest. The anticipation was killing both of us. We were ready to meet the boys. 

At 4 o'clock, we were taken to the OR again and this time we made it all the way through the door. The anesthesiologist was terrific. I was given an epidural spinal block and was able to remain conscious for the entire Cesarean section. During the operation the doctor joked how every time he came to visit me I was watching football or ESPN. It made me laugh and blood squirted out of my incision. Frank Emanuel was delivered at 4:30 p.m. PST and Micheal Allen two minutes later. They were cleaned and wrapped and laid on my chest. I still get emotional when I think of the moment we first looked into each other's eyes. Love poured out of me toward them. After a couple minutes, they were taken to NICU and I was taken to recovery. I battled a terrible itch from the epidural and a little bit of postpartum depression for a day or so. I spent another three days in the hospital, Frank another eight and Michael another eleven. Frank had an Apnea monitor for the first 9 months and Micheal battled a small infection while in NICU. Otherwise, they are perfectly healthy. What a blessing. 

We were fortunate that I didn't have to return to work and I was able to spend the first part of their lives as a stay at home Mom. We moved back to Wisconsin and I began driving school bus when they were three. Mike and I have based their child rearing on enjoying our children at the age they are while they are that age. We chose to stop at two mostly because of me but I think we are both content with that decision. Last night I was watching TV with them and I looked at each of them. I still felt that overwhelming feeling of love pour out of me like the day they were born....only 18 years stronger. 

Happy Birthday Frank and Mike! 

Love, Mom