Crazy, Crazy, Crazy

In the last couple days I have been accused of being crazy by a couple people. Well, when someone says something once to you, no worries...but a second time? Now I have to wonder, am I acting crazily? I do have to admit, I have questioned my sanity a bit recently. Whenever I get emotional I start to worry about slipping into depression but I really do believe I have been coping better than I have in the past. I know it just takes time to get through stuff. Besides, I have had a lot put on me in the last couple months. Here are some things I am dealing with right now.

It is Frank and Mike's senior year of high school. They are in the process of mapping out their futures and I have to admit...it scares the heck out of me. I am so impressed at how well they are handling it all. They each are accepted to their first choice colleges and are in the process of applying for scholarships. They each have a state school back up plan and I really believe they are each choosing the right career paths. Frank wants to go to engineering school. If you know anything about him, it's perfect. Mike wants to go into Phy Ed/Coaching/Health with a minor in Special Ed. I always have known in my heart that this would be perfect for Mike. Since it is their senior year, everything is a milestone. Each cross country meet, football game and holiday is special. Who knows where they will be next year? 

Another thing that has brought out my emotions is the growth group on grieving I am leading for church. It took me over a year to raise the courage to lead this group. Before I committed to lead it, I spoke with many people about it and each one encouraged me that it was a great idea and to go for it. They were absolutely right.  The first night after we met, I was driving home with a huge sense of what good could come from the group. As I was passing the cemetery where my mom is buried, I got filled with emotion. Then Denise died. Smack! This isn't going to be as easy as I thought. I had a fresh new death to mourn along with my group. The next week, LaVonne, the author of the book the group is reading, joined us and we had a spectacular meeting with her. Each of the members was so encouraged to meet someone that was able to cope with such a great loss. A couple weeks passed and I found out that LaVonne's husband had passed away. When I informed the group, they were compassionate but concerned whether LaVonne would join us for our last meeting in December as scheduled. At the funeral, the first words out of LaVonne's mouth to me were "I am still going to be there December 7th." I told her we would decide that later. I'll let you know how it turns out. 

Of course there is the latest transition of friendship status with my great friend that I have written about in previous posts, Never Too Late and Perspective. What can I say?  It is how I am made to make a great friend, enjoy it for a time, and eventually through some circumstance or another, lose that closeness. Each time is different and each time is difficult. In time, I move on and I get close to someone else. This is sort of hard on Mike too. He gets worried about me and second guesses everything I do. Sometimes it is a source of insecurity for me, but not this time. I am confident in the path that this change is taking. It's not that I think I am completely innocent but that I am making the right choice in resetting this boundary....both for me and for her. I am confident we will work out our current issues and that we will continue our friendship, just in a different way. 

In a couple days I am going to meet a woman I have met online. This is a first for me. I am shocked Mike agreed to this, but when I really want something, if he is able, he submits to me. I know Mike is really worried about this trip, but not worried enough and trusts me enough to support it. I refer to her as Sue Won and she refers to me as Sue Too. We met playing Mafia Wars and even though we played in the same family for over two years, we never really started talking until a couple months ago. As I have gotten to know her through her blog, online chat sessions, text and phone conversations, we have discovered many similarities in our lives with a few key differences that compel us to want to meet face to face. Still, I have to admit to having a small amount of nervousness. Not because I think she is a serial killer like we joke about on Facebook, but because once again I am getting close to someone. How long will this last? What will happen to change it? Not to worry though, just going to enjoy the ride. I will let you know how that turns out too.