So, I am currently grieving a loss. Maybe not a death, but a friendship. I wish I could control my feelings, but it isn't always that easy. Besides, sometimes, in order to move forward, you have to lean into those feelings, feel them, and then purge them. Each time, you let a little bit go, you start to heal. This is a process and the process takes time and it takes work. It takes more though. It takes faith and it takes support from others. I am fortunate to have all of that.
The other thing it takes is to gain perspective. That's a tough one. Especially when you are spoiled like me. I have always known love in my life. That is what I mean by spoiled. I have never been abused, ever. Sure, Mike and I would be passive aggressive toward each other and we would verbally abuse each other when we were fighting, but I always felt his love for me. I even feel my mom's love for me. That is where perspective comes into play. I can put myself in the other person's shoes and try to walk a mile in them. My question is this....does she do the same?
In an earlier blog, I wrote that it is never too late. I still believe that. I still believe that this can all be saved. However, just like my marriage, that is going to take work and compromise. Compromise takes both people listening to each other and having a real true interest in how the other person feels. Right now, I don't see there being much of a chance of that happening. I felt that about my marriage though and it is stronger than it ever was; not perfect; stronger. So I pray....I pray for God to give me strength to continue down the righteous path. I pray for Him to soften my heart that is so hardened by spite, bitterness, anger, loss, jealousy, and cynicism. I pray for her to open her heart to a love that can and promises to fix everything.
God Bless Us
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