Never Too Late

In my life, many women have taken hold of my heart. Of course, there are my sisters, Kim and Shari.......my childhood friends, Donna, Joie, Kathy, Vicky, and Martie......high school friends, Karen, Sandy, Shellie, Tammy, Tammie, Nicole and Tracy......young adult friends, Mary, Julie, Spring, Dianne, and Tammy B. etc. You get the idea. I could go through many segments of my life and make a list of friends that have impacted me greatly, some in just a short time, others over many years. There were mentors too, Lil, Bette, Karen, Donna, Barb C, Kim K, Rosie, and Judy G. I appreciate each of these women more than they know. I probably never thanked them properly for what they meant to me in my life. 


As an adult, I have had many friends enter and leave my life too. I used to think that these women left me because there was something wrong with me. It is only recently that I have begun to change my view on that stance. Believe me, I still have plenty of moments when I feel insecure or I try to blame some part of me or my life for not keeping in touch with these people. There was even a time when I blamed Mike for driving my friends away. However, what I was always missing is that I still have a part of each one of them living in my heart. My experiences with them are an integral part of who I am. Each one of them has provided me with wisdom, compassion, kindness, and companionship.


Each time one of these relationships transitions I grieve for it. I am in the midst of one of those transitions right now. My heart is aching! I am filled with sadness, a sense of loss, anger, pity, self pity and most of all confusion. I don't blame myself or the other person for this change in our "relationship status." It is just the natural progression of our friendship. I still love her and I would do anything for her, but I have to go in my direction and she has to go in hers. Unfortunately, right now, we are not heading in the same direction. 


One more thing I was wrong about......when these friends are no longer such an integral part of my life, they don't leave a hole in my heart. That is what I used to believe, that there was a hole and I had to fill it up. Sure, I have different people I am confiding in because I can no longer confide in her, but that doesn't mean that she isn't still alive and well in my heart. I cherish what we had and I love her.

Now, time to go forward with a tear in my eye and an ache in my heart. The healing will soon begin. Hopefully for us both. It's never too late.